Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
