Princesses don't give blow jobs
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
