Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
