So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
