New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
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you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
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Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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