She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
