I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
