Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
