And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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