So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
They took my balls.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
