"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
smell my finger.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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