Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
