im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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