it's like heaven, but drunker
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
