I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
