That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
