There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
