and you said cock pushups were impossible
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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