Define "chronic" masturbator.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
