I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
