Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
