I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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