I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
