last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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