what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
