Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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