i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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