does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
