p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
