Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
