No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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