There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
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New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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