He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
