The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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