Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
