why didn't you poke me back
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
