Quick, to the slutcave!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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