So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
