I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
