Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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