Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
