Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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