woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
