The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
