he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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