I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
