if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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