i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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