do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
