Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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