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Soap is not a condiment
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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