just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
