I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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