If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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