I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
