You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
