I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize