i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
