I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
