I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
