there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
