I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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