Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
