My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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