I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
