Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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