i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
