And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
