I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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