how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
