found the other keg... it's in the tree
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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