Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
