So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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