Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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