my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
