those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Drake has all the answers
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
