brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
