So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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