Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
