well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
